A Single Girl's Guide to Online Dating: Episode 1: The Background

10/27/17

This has been a draft for some time. Waiting in the wings for the perfect time. While I won't disclose real names or identifying information for any of the disasters in this little mini series I'm dubbing "A Single Girl's Guide to Online Dating", I will give you the information that I was given, as well as the roller coaster rides I was taken on.

Here's what they don't tell you about online dating. You have to become the FBI. The freaking FBI. You might think you're smart, you need to get smarter. Everything is a lie. Perhaps some of you are out there reading this thinking, that cynical bitch doesn't know what she's talking about. I do, I assure you! Believe absolutely NONE of what you read and hear online. NONE. Don't get caught up in the web of lies. People have no shame in lying to your face. Know this, understand this. You should also know that someones crazy is not a reflection of you. You also don't have to go down that rabbit hole with them.

I went into online dating admittedly kicking and screaming, resisting the shit like an annual pap smear. It's something you know you need to do, but you sure as hell don't want to. Let's be honest, at times it felt about as violating too.

While my perspective is one sided, the viewpoint of a straight woman seeking a straight man; I will say that I think from this viewpoint, that the creep factor is probably higher for women than it is for men seeking a relationship in this manner. (Most) men are complete dogs online. Like the absence of human interaction has removed any manners that they may have had at one point. Prepare for the worst, and who knows, you might be surprised with a step up!

What to prepare yourself for if this is new territory:
  • Lies
  • Married men. Some disclose this and most don't (there are more married men on online dating sites than I ever imagined. It's disgusting).
  • Crazies (I kind of figured I was signing myself up for this when I entered this domain of dating, but I had NO DAMN IDEA what I was walking into. NONE)
  • Keyboard warriors
  • Some very interesting sexual fantasies (people looking for 3rds, open marriages, S&M, you name it I've seen it on people's pages or in messages I've received. Not knocking what people prefer, that shit's just not for me, and it's something you should prepare for when entering the black hole of online dating, because it's there, lots of it)
  • Men with only the intention of a hookup (some disclose some do not). 
My "online" dating journey started with what I thought was a respectable dating site. Match.com. It was a nightmare and I questioned my self worth after one date and a thousand horrible "matches".
I took a long chunk of time off of that moved around a bit. Then after some years I tried again, in Okinawa, after being single for a really long time. I put myself on two that I thought were less horrible than the dreaded Tinder; POF and OkCupid. Little did I know that those two sites are a breeding ground for filth. I commend people who have successful relationships from those sites. You always hear about "the stories" but I have never actually heard of a real person with such success so I'm starting to think it's a concept like Santa Clause, something you're told to believe that doesn't actually exist. I will have you know that as I write this today, I've also done Tinder (and it's been by far the most entertaining). All of my nightmare dating stories that will be featured in this mini series actually come from the other platforms, mostly POF, and one from OkCupid. Sorry to disappoint. Maybe I'll do one final post with a "This is Tinder" (which is also something I like to send to my married friends to remind them 1. Their husbands are still awesome no matter what they're doing and 2. The pickings are slim!)

For me, it was important to remain authentic to myself, to keep my focus on what was important to me (a long term relationship) despite the bullshit that I seemed to need to weed through. I have tried to really focus on controlling what I can (putting my authentic self out there) and disregarding the things that I cannot control (the lies, manipulation, and chaos that other people choose to put out there). Sure it creates some extra work as you have to constantly screen them, doubt what they are saying, and wonder if this is all worth it in the end, but just like all great things, they take work, and if you keep putting in the work, and putting your positive energy into the Universe, you'll get what you deserve in return. And, as I come to a close on this brief history of my online dating history, I advise you to buckle your seat belts for whats to come, because it's a bumpy ass ride you'll be glad you didn't have to take for yourself! 

Anyone out there have online dating experience? Good, bad, ugly...I want to hear it all. Surely I can't be the only one with some very "colorful" luck! Leave a comment with your experience and/or online dating advice that you might have!

Show a lone bloggy some love...comment, share, re post to your social media, do all of the above. I appreciate you! 

Next up: Episode 2-The 2 Witnesses
Possibly the most epic dating disaster that I've had. I considered saving it for later on but it's just too good not to share!
Find the post HERE!

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